five reasons to freak out and five committments

My good pal AC is going through a time, and I can sympathize. In the spirit of her post, I'm listing my five reasons to freak out and then five commttments I want to make.

Freakouts:

1. Money. My student loans are going into repayment soon (thank you grad school for THAT little treat), plus we have a car payment, daycare, credit card payments, and need to start saving for Eva's college, our general savings, and for a down payment on a house. Any and all financial advice welcome.
2. I have/will most likely always have to deal with clinical depression. It's a combination of a chemical imbalance (which I can't help) and a tendency for me to get over-emotional (which I can help, to an extent). It's frightening to feel it always creeping in the back of my mind, and I hope everyday that it's something that Eva will never have to deal with.
3. Holy cow people! The economy! I couldn't imagine being 60 and planning to retire this year. I hope we can find jobs/Brandon can find a job after his contract is up at Rural State U this May.
4. My grandpa is in the hospital for an intestinal problem. My grandma Lorraine (the one with depression and the Lorraine in Eva Lorraine) passed away a few years ago, and while I'm not as close with my dad's parents as I would like, I know they are a rock for my cousins. I hope everything works out and he's discharged and in good health.
5. Worrying if I'm doing the right thing. I can never really tell. The constant fear that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing or that I'm not in the right place or doing what's best for Eva is very frightening for me. My mom never seemed to be scared or second guess herself. It's hard having such a good role model sometimes.


And now to five committments:

1. Be better at going to church on a consistent basis. I feel better when I do, and it's important to us for Eva to grow up in a church and have a sense that there is something bigger than herself out there.
2. Be a better wife. I can be a bit of a shrew. Shocking, I know.
3. Be a better mom. I don't think I can ever give Eva what she deserves (but who ever really feels like they can?), but I am going to do better.
4. Get rid of this fricken baby fat/before baby fat. Pregnancy can only be blamed for so much. This committment includes making sure I always have clean clothes to work out in--sorry April.
5. Keep the house cleaner. Eva is crawling, and while I'm not the tidiest person, I like things organized and tidy. Thus, one hour each evening is going to be devoted to housework. Promise. Really. No really, I'm serious on this one. I can hear you laughing, and I don't appriciate it.