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H: Hey April! What’s shaken, bacon?
BFA: Not much. I just read a treatise on how a CSA can solve world hunger, make peace with your family, and makes keys while you wait! Genius!
H: Sounds great. Let’s get past the crazy hippy portion of our interview and into the real meat and potatoes. What is your shoe size?BFA: 8.
H: I used to be a size 8.5. And then I had Birdy. Other parts of me have also grown. I also credit my love of cheese. What’s your favorite food?
BFA: I have too many, hence having to get up at 5:30 and sweat for an hour three times a week. Though, since it’s summer, it’s mostly swimming after work.
H: You are quite the swimmer…weekdays after work, weekends during P & G’s swim lessons. Enough with the softball questions: Which child is your favorite?BFA: The one I imagined before actually having children.
H: Good answer. What is your favorite way to spend an evening?
BFA: I’m a “vegger.” Hanging out and watching TV with the MD [editor’s note: everyone wants an MD in your life. If you don’t think you do, you haven’t met the MD]. I also like going to Swilly’s for a grilled chicken Caesar salad with extra croutons, or listening to the Little House on the Prairie audio book with P & G.
H: That DOES sound like a good evening. I can see why we are friends.
BFA: Because we like TV and croutons?
H: Among other things, yes. I’m writing this interview…if you get too sassy, I’ll write something like “I like to vote Republican whenever I can.”
BFA: Easy trigger.
H: Pipe down. Moving on. So, why do you like MD?
BFA: So, so, so many reasons. He’s nice, funny, smart, chatty, has strong opinions about men leaving their jackets on at weddings (which I totally agree with), he helps people move, knows how to cook, is a good father and he puts up with me being bossy and/or high maintenance every now and then. Oh, I’m bossy and high maintenance-y more than every now and then? Sometimes? Most of the time?! Hmmmm. Well. I like him even more now.
H: We all like MD. And his shrimp. Oh, sweet sassy molassy…the shrimp…um…I need a minute. Tell the people why you think manhole covers are round.
BFA: What? Do I work for the city? Who knows?
H: That wasn’t nearly the time I needed to recover from the memory of the shrimp. And manhole covers are round so they don’t fall down into the sewer. Triangle shapes work well too. Anyway. Shrimp live in your refrigerator, but not as often as they should. What else would we find in there?
BFA: You will almost always find milk, eggs, and tortillas. We keep the cheese in the freezer and the Diet Pepsi in the pantry. So come on over for quesadillas anytime you like!
H: You know it! The taco night from your youth is alive and well at your house. Speaking of youth in an offhand way, what posters were on your wall when you were 16?
BFA: Duran Duran, Def Leppard, and tons words from magazines cut out and made into collages.
H: I think that would accurately describe most 16 year-old’s bedrooms. What is it with chicks and words cut out from a magazine? I used Seventeen most for such things. My mom’s Martha Stewart and my dad’s Popular Science didn’t have enough “awesome” words like “grrl power” and “sweet.” You can’t be melodramatic with words like “futuristic space car” and “zinnias are a good thing” on your walls. The thing about being a girl and being a teenager at the same time is that you are never really happy with who you are. If you could have a super power to up your awesomeness quotient as a non-teenage girl, what would it be?
BFA: I would have a shield that made me impervious to smells and germs.
H: Htr told me about your queasy stomach when you were pregnant. Who would you say is your favorite office mate? And would you own a poster of him/her and put it in your room surrounded by cut out magazine words?
BFA: My favorite office mate is Htr. And that’s not just because she’s the only office mate I’ve ever had. And, I would totally have a poster of her, but only if she would sign it; “To April, you really are my favorite and you’ve never been a bit high strung. Love, Htr” I would pay good money for that!
H: You know me, right?BFA: I would hope so at this point.
H: So you know my love of Ikea. Thus, I pose this question: If you could name an item at Ikea, what would you choose?
BFA: Flemsvik.
H: What would it be?
BFA: Storage that holds scrapbooking materials, and magically organizes it for you. Wait, can I change my superhero powers to having the ability to organize anything in a matter of moments while making it look like I live in a Pottery Barn catalog?
H: That is a tall order, but if anyone can do it, it’s IKEA. Since we both love reading, what fictional character would you be and why?
BFA: Good question. You’ve stumped me. I’m pretty happy being me. Although if there’s someone who snacks a lot and sleeps a lot, yet is healthy, looks fit and lives in a tidy and organized home, and is more patient I’d like to be her.
H: I think that’s a character in a Nora Roberts book somewhere. Not that I would read those books or anything. I read things like War and Peace. Often. In fact, I’m reading War and Peace while I’m interviewing you.
BFA: I’ve notice that, and I think it’s rude to be reading and interviewing at the same time…though I do admire your ability to multitask.
H: Next, I plan on reading Moby Dick. P and I have formed a book club.
BFA: Easy trigger…or I’ll hunt you down like a white whale too.
H: So angry…we’ll move on to the last question. What is one seven letter word that describes you?
BFA: Your “one 7 letter word” rules can’t contain me! I guess I’ll go with… SoSassy.
H: I think that sums up this entire experience, don’t you think?
BFA: I never promised to not be sassy or make up words.
H: I’ll have to keep that in mind for next time. Thanks for joining us BFA!
