meet: htr

You know those people in your life that are always good for a _____ (and I invite you to fill in the blank)? Well, my buddy Htr is good for just about everything, especially making me laugh. And helping me pass the day. And all kinds of other things.

I give you Htr, my office spouse and Lighty Soulmate:

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H: Yawn. Office time. Boo.

Htr: Grumble. Agreed.

...three hours of typing and silence later...

H: Htr...whatcha doin' over there?

Htr: Um...nuffing?

H: Good. You have time to answer some questions. And don't think about not answering. I have good aim, a box of paperclips, and you only 10 feet away.

Htr: Psh.

H: Let's get started. What's your name, friend?

Htr. Heather Elizabeth Mo-

H: HEY! I'm a Heather Elizabeth TOO!

Htr: What are the odds. Moving along. I'm Heather Elizabeth Morgan, nee Thompson, of the Pullman Morgan-Thompsons.

H: Aren't we fancy schmancy.

Htr: Zip it.

H: Right. So your favorite bar...what is it?

Htr: My Office, especially when the students aren't there. The cheese sticks are divINE. As are the ruebens. And the chicken strips. And the nachos. It's where we're going on Thursday to celebrate Betty Friedan's birthday. Speaking of Betty, if I was a professional female wrestler, I would call myself "The Feminine Mystique."

H: Ha! You'd have some crazy apron and hit people with rolling pins. I'd be a big fan. And I'm looking forward to getting the rueben. Yum. I couldn't help but notice that all but one of those dishes you mentioned have cheese. You a cheese fan, Htr?

Htr: I love cheese. A lot. You can put it on anything and it makes everything better.

H: Would it make Lucy better?

Htr: You can't improve that dog. Lucy is awesome. (Editor's Note: She is.)

H: I bet it would make her gassy. So, your husband's name is Ron, and what do you like about him?

Htr: He makes me laugh from my toes, and I feel at peace the second he enters a room. Like Edward makes Bella feel. Heather, is there something wrong?

H: (cough-gagging) No, no, we're good over here. Edward and Bella, right. I just inhaled one of the little cartoon hearts coming out of your eyes. I'm better now. So what do you like to do on the weekend?

Htr: I like hanging out with my boys [Ron and Jonathon], watching mindless TV and bugging the dog.

H: Pop Quiz: Why are manhole covers round?

Htr: Because they are shaped like an a**hole! Hahahahahahaha!!! Get it?! MAN hole? HA!

H: Right...uh...sure. So, uh, tater tots?

Htr: Oh those are part of the delicious, well-balanced tater tot casserole! But they're better as mexifries.

H: Aren't you allergic to potatoes?

Htr: Yes. Let's name what I'm not allergic to...air. Also water.

H: You were an English major, and we're both hit up to read an inordinate amount of papers for the GAs and desk workers. What fictional character would you be and why?

Htr: Dr. Doolitte. Talking to animals would be awesome, and I bet they are even funnier than the voices I give them.

H: You do have a good animal voice, Htr. So....who's your favorite and best looking office mate?

Htr: Uh...it's...it's, uh...A TIE! Yeah, a tie! Between you and April. (I'm not picking...you bi*ches are crazy). And, for the record, I would totally own a poster of you and April. Especially if there were unicorns or leprechauns involved.

H: That poster would be so awesome it would set the office ON FIRE! What posters did you have in your room when you were 14?

Htr: James Dean, cause he's awesome. There was a Convoy poster that was in my room when we moved in, and I didn't take it down until I moved out when I was 22. It was hilarious.

H: Truckers are funny, I'll give you that. Last question: what do you like about WSU?

Htr: I love that we're an Ag based school. Remember the Clydesdale pulling the carriage yesterday in the parking lot (Editor's Note: I do, and it was freaking awesome)? You can't see that at a chump school like UW (Editor's Note: You can't. Mainly because they're chumps.).

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This concludes this installment of Meet:. Who will be next? Only The Feminine Mystique knows! And me. I know.