stars upon thars

Do you know what I miss? I miss my baby. I miss my baby every weekday from 7:30 to 5.

This lady in the picture? See her? Look how discontent she looks. There are milk bottles to be washed and put on the doorstep. Hair to set. Laundry to hang. Hands to moisturize. And...she looks lonely. And sad.

And I get that, I really do. There is always so much to do, no matter what. When you are at home, you see the kitchen floor needs sweeping, or the laundry needs doing, and on and on and on. There is pressure to be perfect, and that can be crippling.

But I miss my baby.

And I appreciate that I have the opportunity to work, and I appreciate the women in the past that made it possible for me to be more than a nurse, teacher or secretary.

Did you ever read that book, The Sneeches? There are two kinds of Sneeches--those with stars on their tummies, and those that don't. Those that have stars feel more important than the plain bellied Sneeches. A man comes to town with a machine and offers those without "stars upon thars" that he can make them special too; pretty soon everyone has stars and no one is special. He then offers to take the stars off of the Sneeches' bellies, and then everyone wants to be special again and gets them taken off. This goes on and on until everyone realizes they are special in their own way, blah blah blah.

I feel that moms are a lot like the Sneeches, but without the ability to change back and forth to see what actually is best for us. Those who work outside of the home look down on those who choose to stay home, and we judge them harshly. It's the same way. Either group feels like they are shortchanging their families or their children with whatever choice they make.

It’s tough when you really don’t have a choice and you have to work so that your family can have somewhere to live and food to eat. What a tough and terrible situation, especially when all you really want is to see your kids during the day.

Personally, I would like to stay home. Too often it seems like we moms (or dads) have to work so that our kids can have piano lessons, or be on the soccer team, or go to college. I want all of that, but I want to be able to stay home and be with my child(ren). What is more important? How feasible is it to do both?

More, it seems like we go to work to be able to afford things we don’t really need…and that part is the part that gets me.


Am I better mom for working, or would I be a better mom for staying at home? That is the question I ask myself everyday. And my answer is always "I don't know." Again, I'm not so naive to think that everything would be sunshine and roses if I was at home with Birdy all day. It would be hard. There wouldn’t be any time off. If I was sick, well that would be too bad, but there wouldn’t be anything that could be done. I know these things.

But I miss my baby. A lot.