This lady in the picture? See her? Look how discontent she looks. There are milk bottles to be washed and put on the doorstep. Hair to set. Laundry to hang. Hands to moisturize. And...she looks lonely. And sad.
And I get that, I really do. There is always so much to do, no matter what. When you are at home, you see the kitchen floor needs sweeping, or the laundry needs doing, and on and on and on. There is pressure to be perfect, and that can be crippling.
But I miss my baby.
And I appreciate that I have the opportunity to work, and I appreciate the women in the past that made it possible for me to be more than a nurse, teacher or secretary.
Did you ever read that book, The Sneeches? There are two kinds of Sneeches--those with stars on their tummies, and those that don't. Those that have stars feel more important than the plain bellied Sneeches. A man comes to town with a machine and offers those without "stars upon thars" that he can make them special too; pretty soon everyone has stars and no one is special. He then offers to take the stars off of the Sneeches' bellies, and then everyone wants to be special again and gets them taken off. This goes on and on until everyone realizes they are special in their own way, blah blah blah.
I feel that moms are a lot like the Sneeches, but without the ability to change back and forth to see what actually is best for us. Those who work outside of the home look down on those who choose to stay home, and we judge them harshly. It's the same way. Either group feels like they are shortchanging their families or their children with whatever choice they make.
It’s tough when you really don’t have a choice and you have to work so that your family can have somewhere to live and food to eat. What a tough and terrible situation, especially when all you really want is to see your kids during the day.
Personally, I would like to stay home. Too often it seems like we moms (or dads) have to work so that our kids can have piano lessons, or be on the soccer team, or go to college. I want all of that, but I want to be able to stay home and be with my child(ren). What is more important? How feasible is it to do both?
More, it seems like we go to work to be able to afford things we don’t really need…and that part is the part that gets me.
Am I better mom for working, or would I be a better mom for staying at home? That is the question I ask myself everyday. And my answer is always "I don't know." Again, I'm not so naive to think that everything would be sunshine and roses if I was at home with Birdy all day. It would be hard. There wouldn’t be any time off. If I was sick, well that would be too bad, but there wouldn’t be anything that could be done. I know these things.
But I miss my baby. A lot.
Whew. Typing it really makes me feel like one of those crazy Star Wars fans or something. Mainly, I feel like a dork. Dorkiness aside, I got a lot done, and so did my Blog-less Friend April. BFA and I shared a table with a great view. BFA got a view of the mountains, I got a view of BFA. Fair? Totally.
I declared myself the Queen of the One-Page Layout. Many times, I don't have enough good photos for a two page spread. I've given up the ghost and embraced the One-Page Layout. I encourage you to do so as well.
It was a lot of fun and a little like camp, but without the cold showers, mosquito bites, and drama.
Well dear reader, its' different today. SHE REPLIED TO ME. ACK. It's like seeing someone famous in the airport or the deli and having that awkward "um...I think that's So and So...but here? In my deli? Eating pastrami? Surely not." But then you realize "OMG, THAT'S REALLY CONAN O'BRIEN, HERE, EATING PASTRAMI!!!" So, with the risk of being a total loser and all, I give you the email she sent. I feel cool.
Here is the text:
hahaha thankyou!!<---THAT IS FROM EMILY RIGHT THERE.
To: email@example.comSubject: [*e*] Heather submitted a comment
to 'don't throw away your old shirts, i need them for pants!'.Date: Fri, 20 Feb
2009 08:45:27 -0800From: firstname.lastname@example.org
A new comment from
“Heather” was received on the post “don't throw away your old shirts, i need them for pants!” of
the blog “*e*”.
Comment:My favorite thing on young little people is a good set of cheeks, and
Yindi's are adorable!
Commenter name: Heather
Commenter email: email@example.com
IP address: 126.96.36.199
NoneIf you would like to publish a reply to this comment you can do so by
writing a response on the post “don't throw away your old shirts, i need them for pants!”.
Enjoy!The TypePad Team
Update: I went to wash my coffee cup out not 10 minutes ago and there were cookies in the kitchen. That is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me.
And no, I'm not exaggerating. I don't think you understood how much I needed a cookie.
And I said "need." And I meant it.
If there is one thing Heather likes, it's laughing at herself and the things she does without thinking. Many of the posts on Stuff Christians Like make me chuckle as a life-long church attendee, mission participator, and once ministry employee. Jon, the blog dude, seems to feel the same way.
Some of my favorites are:
Getting single people married as fast as possible
Leaving Bibles in the lost and found
30 Rock is the new Office and other shows that could be sermons (my parent's pastor has done sermons on books before...but never TV shows...GENIUS!!)
I really, really, really could go on for a long time. I've been doing the silent crying laugh thing, since I'm in a position where I am sitting down in front of a computer with other people who are also in front of computers nearby. I think you know what I'm talking about.
I've been scrolling through the months on Jon's blog, and I guess they had a "Bulletin Bored" contest. You know when a man (or woman) is giving this shpiel about their awesome retreat coming up, or the church announcements are going on forever, or it's Children's Church and you're bored out of your gourd so you doodle? My friend Liz (fellow youth intern) and I would do this, and doodle ridiculous things like a water polo team with Jesus on it, or other things that float through the transom of your mind when you are surrounded with junior and senior high students. This was one of the winners:
The commenters after the blog posts say funny and/or insightful things too, which I appreciate in a blog. This is one that was left after a SCL post titled "Seeing God in Nature:"
I spend too much time looking for God and not enough time seeing God.
Ugh. So true.
Please, please enjoy SCL. It will make you cry silent laughter tears, or perhaps pee your pants. I pray it's the former.
I will tell you of this film, but you need to promise yourself that you will like me afterword. From the reactions of other friends and acquaintances, I assure you it really is that bad.
I...I...watched The Neverending Story. It is and was the most boring movie I have ever seen; I liken it to the War and Peace of the movie realm, perhaps more boring than the cinematic adaptation of War and Peace. I haven't actually finished The Neverending Story either. I've fallen asleep every time. We had it on a tape after the Duck Tales movie (which was fricken awesome, as I'm sure you agree), and I would be so tired from watching Duck Tales that I would crash.
The theme song is pretty lame on it's own, and WTF is with a giant flying dog (correction: luckdragon)? Who names their kid Atreyu? Give me animated ducks fighting crime and exploring Egypt any day.
I have one more confession: I don't like The Goonies.
I saw it when I was in middle school and didn't get why all my friends were so obsessed. I fell asleep during this one too.
Please don't hate me, readers of my generation (if there are any of you, that is).
My friend Shiloh and I made sock puppets for our presentation on MacBeth in 10th grade...and yes, it was as awesome as you think it was. I believe we even got an 'A.'
I think the world needs more sock puppets.
This call was no different: bad news. A friend from high school died yesterday in the plane that crashed in Buffalo. She was the first officer. I remember when she decided she wanted to be a pilot.
I remember being in fifth and sixth grade and we would walk from school to church and hang out there until youth group started. I remember being thankful that someone liked me and wanted to be my friend at my new school. I remember making skirts for Mexico mission trips with her and her mom. I remember practicing volleyball with her. I remember when she went from Becky to Beki. I remember fighting with her when Mark, one of the best people I knew died. I remember being in Leadership class with her.
Beki was always in the background of my life since my family moved to Maple Valley. She was one of the first friends I made at my church. Her mother was always so nice to me. Her brother went to RSU and reffed our horrible flag football games.
Please keep her family in your prayers.
Oh yeah...it can HANDLE the books.
Htr: Grumble. Agreed.
Htr: Yes. Let's name what I'm not allergic to...air. Also water.
2. I hope that wherever we end up next year has an Ikea nearby. I could spend a lot of time at Ikea. I could also spend a lot of money at Ikea.
4. I ran again today! Woo for me!
5. I realized this weekend that our next baby plans will be on hold for longer than I thought originally. Hall directors are not known to have palatial university apartments. And, let's be clear, I do not want to share a room with a baby past that baby turning 6 weeks old at the longest.
6. Pants are fitting better. Double woo.
7. My mom and I get to go antique-ing when we visit in March. That is going to be wicked sweet. Next goal: take an upholstery class.
8. University apartment or no, I'm going to start decorating and having more matchy-I'm-not-still-a-college-student furniture. Ikea and antique stores will come in handy for that.
9. Along the lines of antiques, antiques in the northwest are not like the antiques in say, Pennsylvania, where people have had furniture for a lot longer. Antiques here are rarely made before 1900.
10. I need dinner ideas for this week. Please send ideas post-haste.