waiting for my family

Sometimes, when I fill out forms, I get to check the "professional/graduate degree box." That box isn’t offered on every form, but the times that it is, I get two feelings: smug and indifference. Like cjane says, people have different emotions they experience in regular seasons. I’m like Peter in Office Space; my emotions are indifference and depression. I can also be incredibly lazy, though that can be tied directly to the indifference. For the most part, I just don’t care.

There are many things I enjoyed about graduate school; my professors, my classmates, the classes that met at bars…the usual. I had a professor at RSU who was awe-some. Let’s call him Dr. Ed. Dr. Ed was my favorite professor for a variety of reasons, which even include the subjects he taught. More than the subjects, his stories and phrases stick with me more than what was taught (so I really got my money’s worth!).

One of the most memorable things he said was that he had “a limited amount of shits, and couldn't afford to just give them away anymore.”

This statement stuck with me, and continues to guide my life.

Why? Because I just don’t care. I don’t care about a lot of things, and I have to ration out the shits I do give out, because I don’t give a shit quite often nowadays. I have a lot of things I have to care about now (more so than at any time in my life), so I can’t really care about things that don’t matter. And I don’t care about some things that DO matter, which will surely come and get me in the end.

Exhibit A: Packing. I hate packing. I’ve been putting it out of my mind so I can live in a pack-free dream land. This is going to be great until we have 2 weeks left in our apartment and I realize I have to scrape together all the care (or “shits”) that I have left and actually get ready to move.

Exhibit B: Weight loss. I want to lose the baby weight and post-wedding weight. I really do. I just don’t have enough effort to care about focusing on it. This will work until I either get disgusted with myself or get diabetes. I’m beginning to feel more of the former, which will hopefully get me to care and avoid the latter.

Exhibit C: Basic household chores. I’m talking about you, mountain of laundry and pile of dishes. If I don’t think about you and stay in the living room, I don’t have to care. This works only until I have to eat or sleep. I’m working on ways to avoid both.

I care about people a whole lot more than I care about things.
The people that I really care about consistently are Birdy and Brandon, which is good, considering I’m partly responsible for keeping her alive. Birdy and Brandon get the best of me, which is how it should be, I think.
I’m off to go home. The laundry can wait. I have a baby to snuggle.

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