jelly belly, the lamentable part deux

Today, I went to the YMCA.

At 6:30am.

And weighed myself. With the trainer.

And then did a body fat composition test. With the trainer.

And then kept my face carefully neutral when I saw my percentage. In front of my trainer.

Has anyone ever done that? The body fat thing? Because holy melty cheese nachos, Batman, it's intense. I have a system when it comes to numbers and my body. When I weigh myself, I think of a number that is a few pounds heavier than I think I will be, kind of like a worst-case scenario situation. That way, when I do step on the scale, it's always with the attitude of "it could be worse." This makes me feel better about myself. It doesn't make me feel better about myself when the number is much, much, much higher than my mentally prepared already high number. And that is what the body fat composition test did for me. Yikes.

I mean, I know I'm overweight. I know that "medically" I'm "technically" "obese." But what do "doctors" know, really? Well. I guess more than me. Because the body fat test was a big wake up call for me. Peeps, I have some issues and I need to deal with them as soon as possible. I find the segment on the Biggest Loser where the doctor goes over their health risks and numbers related to their weight, and think to myself that I'm not that bad. I don't weigh 250 pounds, or 300, or 400, and I take comfort and feel smug with those thoughts. Even at my most fit, I was 150 pounds and not necessarily skinny. I don't have the build for that, I think. But today, I realized that I've been living in a fabricated dream world where I think I'm okay and that I don't really have a problem.

I have a problem.

Because many things haven't worked for me, I'm trying something new. Remember when I said this was a shame based Puritanical society I run at this here blog? I'm going to take advantage of that and start posting weekly updates on my progress. Or my backsliding. Or my stagnation. But the big thing is that I'm going to start being accountable for what I eat and how often I work out. But mostly, it’s about humiliation. I think that might be good for me. For more on another very funny guy who lost weight using humiliation and a whole lot of biking, check out Fat Cyclist, who isn't fat at all anymore.

So.

Without further ado, here we go (you can feel free to stop reading now, if you'd like):

Weight: 225
Body fat: 43.7% (Thank god I have big bones??)
Pants size: 20

Ugh. That was rough. But I feel better. I think.

Photo from Cathy Zielske

jelly belly

This last weekend while my parents and brother visited, we made the pilgrimmage to the Jelly Belly factory. And internets, it was pretty cool. We went on the free tour, which allowed us to spend our money elsewhere in their factory store. Needless to say, many beans were purchased, and many beans were consumed. Yummy.

However.

I think I may have overdosed on the candy beans since last Friday. I have a headache that I believe is from the sugar, and is threatening to derail any progress the 30 Day Shred has made. Boo.

 

white all night!

My fellow internets, can we talk? I'm rarely passionate about pop culture or celebrities in general. But I feel a need to stand up for Coco. I mean, seriously. SERIOUSLY.

I love Conan.

He's just so tall. And his hair. It's so floppy, it's surpassed silly and soared on to awesome. I mean, seriously. LOOK AT IT.

And also, we need to talk about how funny he is. 1864 Baseball? Classic. Conan goes to Ireland? Amazing. Conan goes to Finland? Even better.

But Jay. Oh Jay. You had a 6 year heads up to when you were leaving. And you can't bow out like a decent person, and instead you selfish choices and try to blame the netword execs. Also, you can't make those jokes about it because you are the guy causing the drama. I mean, you had a great career as the host of the Tonight Show. But you're time is over. It's time to pass the buck. I mean, seriously. PACK UP THE CHIN, MAN.

bloggy blog blog

Many moons ago, I used to live in a small town. I love that small town. Also many moons ago, I was on a design team with some awesome and creative women...and one of them has had her layout just published in Creating Keepsakes! Way to go Angela!

These fabulous women are having a blog hop, and I encourage you to participate, especially if you like paper, free stuff, paper, great ideas, creative things, and free stuff. Start here for more information!

the weiner

Oh peeps, thanks for entering! It was nice to read about what you had for breakfast (points to KP for calling it what it really is: breakie), how awesome I am, how cute Birdy is, and that my Hoosband likes Italian food.

That being said, the big weiner is Jill, comment number 6! Congratulations! Jill, email me with the color/size you would like, and I'll do my best to get it in the mail within 6 months. Just kidding. Kind of.

Can anyone tell me why the post office is the hardest thing to cross of the to-do list? I've had a package that I've been adding to for my best good friend Brianna since the beginning of November. It's shameful, is what it is.

Anyway.

And, it's interesting to note, I smell of bacon, beef, and onions. And it's 12:11 am. Why, you ask? Because I'm a big dumb dummy and started dinner for tomorrow (I guess it's really tonight, at this point), which is stew, which is time consuming, late at night. And the smell of bacon woke Birdy up (THAT'S MY GIRL!). So it's been an evening, to say the least. And I'm due to be up until 1 or 2. And isn't that so incredibly totally awesome in a horrible way?

If anyone wants to hang out with a lady who smells like something Htr or Ron would eat in a heartbeat, I'll be on Facebook.

giveaway funstravaganza!

Hey! Wahoo! It only took me almost two years to get this far! And I haven't really posted anything in the last few months! But no matter!

As a thank you for continuing to click on my link even when  (mostly when) I'm just blabbering along, you can win a piece of our current family history.

The big, super fabulous prize at stake here is one Yikes! Santa Clara University shirt, in any of the colors above. Sizes range from S-XXL. Sizes and colors are limited to what the bookstore has in stock, so if you win and the color/size you choose isn't here, we'll work though it and sub something out.

To enter, leave a comment. It can be anything, from your favorite color to what you had for breakfast to what you WISH you had for breakfast, to how awesome I am on a daily basis. Whatever you want. That being said, please enter only once. You'll need to enter your email address if you are commenting anonymously. Remember, this blog participates in a shame-based Puritan society, and we frown on big, fat, cheaty cheaters. I'll use random.org to choose a winner, so entering early doesn't mean you have a higher chance of winning.

The contest ends at 11:59 PM on Tuesday, January 12th, 2009.

Let the fun begin!

a year ago...

...Birdy was still a baby. Luckily, she continues to love bath time.

a portrait of the artist with crayons

Birdy got an awesome easel for Christmas from Brandon's parents. And by awesome, I mean something that I would have l-o-v-e-d as a kid, considering one of my most prized possessions was my 96 color Crayola crayon set. I did have some last minute doubts as Brandon's dad and I were assembling the easel the night before we had Christmas with them--what if she liked the wrapping paper more than this gift?

But my fears were unfounded, as the little lady spends about 30 minutes each day coloring, painting or chalking. Or rearranging her crayons. Or trying to use crayons on the white board. Or clap her eraser on me. Or sheepishly eat the paint. Or whatever it is that she does while I'm making dinner in the vacinity of the easel.

Either way, she loves it, and that warms my crayon-loving heart.

sometimes, we don't want to sleep alone

And sometimes, we have so much company its hard to sleep anyway.

a dilemma

I feel a quandry, dearest 4.3 readers.

It's time for my second round of Starbucks applications to go out. There are also several full-time positions open at Stanford and at SC. What do I do?

I want the hours and flexibility of Starbucks. Also, I love coffee.

I want the money of a full-time job.

I feel guilty not using my Masters.

I want to be with Birdy during the day and watch her grow.

I want to be able to pay down our debt and maybe save for a house.

I don't want to put Birdy in daycare.

I don't want to pay a lot to commute, if anything.

I always thought that I would stay at home until my kid(s) went to kindergarten. I want my kids to be raised by me, instead of a daycare employee. Nothing against daycare employees, but its important to me to be there for Birdy. Well, either me or Brandon. Conversely, its good for Birdy to be with other little kids and be able to socialize and play with other kiddos. I also like money. Money is good.

If anyone has any advice, please to share it with me so at least I feel like I'm making a somewhat rational decision whatever I choose.

cooooooooooooookie!

We've been over at the student union building a few times this week, and thankfully I didn't have any cash on me. Why? Because a student group was selling cupcakes that looked like Sesame Street characters. And they were adorable. And Birdy loves Sesame Street. And I love cupcakes.

But I didn't, and it was just yesterday that Brandon brought home a Cookie Monster cupcake, which took him about 3 days longer than I thought it would. He has a way of spoiling her, you see, that can go from 0 to 492 in about .3 seconds.

The following is a public service announcment: cupcakes in the afternoon are not recommended by the surgeon general for those under 5. If you've done it, you'll know why.

some stuff

It's a good sign your workout regimen is working well when it's your off day and you are so sore you are thankful that all you have to do during nap time is clean. And not try and kill yourself with Jillian.

JILLIAN, YOU ARE KILLING ME.

But we have a friend getting married this summer. In Hawaii. And, I have this dress from my friend Shelby's wedding that I would really like to wear. And it's a 14. And I last wore it three years ago. And I'd really like to wear it on the beach in Hawaii this summer, you know? Sigh.

I also made an appointment with a personal trainer at the Y this Friday. It was their next available time as of last night. The time? 6:30 am. For those playing along at home, it's still dark then. And a little chilly. And did I mention dark?

Sigh.

Also, has anyone seen my phone???

in which we make a 'wich

My best good friend Brianna gave Birdy a sandwich making set from Melissa & Doug, which I very well many marry. We play sandwich shop everyday, and wanted to share it with you.

a milestone

Fair Internets, we are reaching a moment here on And Birdy Makes Three. My 200th post!

Since people seem to commemorate such happenings with a giveaway, I'm doing the same. I'll be giving away a Santa Clara tshirt (you pick the size/color) on the 200th post, which should be coming soon. This is the 192nd post, and I plan on posting one thing each day. This means the 200th post will be next Tuesday, January 12th.

I'll use random.org to determine the winner. Please enter only once, or I'll have to scold you publicy. I try to run a shame-based Puritan society here, and we don't take kindly to big fat cheaters.

family portrait

Look, it's us as Sesame Street characters. I find Cookie Monster's portrayal as myself is chillingly accurate.

like, woah

We all have those moments in life where we feel like we're on a rollercoaster. One memorable roller coaster moment for me was when I started having hard contractions with Birdy. I wanted off the ride, and I wanted off as soon as possible.

The most recent roller coaster moment in my life happened a mere hour ago. I was at home, minding my own business, waiting for my Jillian Michaels DVD to start up. She was going through her chatter about the workout, and I was thinking I could really go for a cupcake. Then, through my cupcake-induced workout-hating haze, I hear these words: "ballistic," "explosive," and "dynamic." These are words I hear on the ubiquitus crime shows I watch, and they never describe anything good and almost always describe someone's death. I wanted off the DVD, but I couldn't legitimately turn the thing off, because then I would be a weenie and a quitter, and if there is one thing I don't like on the Biggest Loser it's the weenie quitters.

Now, I haven't worked out in a long time. Brandon got me two Jillian Michaels DVDs for Christmas, so I figured once Birdy was down today I'd pop one in. I chose poorly, as the metabolism one is 50 minutes of  "you've got to be kidding me"s and "ow ow ow ow"s. And, gulp, jiggling. I hate jiggling. Even at my lowest weight, I didn't do anything that could create long periods of jiggling. I liked pilates and elliptical machines and swimming. Fluid movements. However, excessive amounts of jiggling have proved themselves responsible for lowering cupcake cravings, since things like cupcakes made me the victim of jiggling in the first place.

In short: I've had my butt kicked today, but I don't want a cupcake anytime soon.

birdy and ernie discover the flowers