1.21.2010

jelly belly, the lamentable part deux

Today, I went to the YMCA.


At 6:30am.

And weighed myself. With the trainer.

And then did a body fat composition test. With the trainer.

And then kept my face carefully neutral when I saw my percentage. In front of my trainer.

Has anyone ever done that? The body fat thing? Because holy melty cheese nachos, Batman, it's intense. I have a system when it comes to numbers and my body. When I weigh myself, I think of a number that is a few pounds heavier than I think I will be, kind of like a worst-case scenario situation. That way, when I do step on the scale, it's always with the attitude of "it could be worse." This makes me feel better about myself. It doesn't make me feel better about myself when the number is much, much, much higher than my mentally prepared already high number. And that is what the body fat composition test did for me. Yikes.

I mean, I know I'm overweight. I know that "medically" I'm "technically" "obese." But what do "doctors" know, really? Well. I guess more than me. Because the body fat test was a big wake up call for me. Peeps, I have some issues and I need to deal with them as soon as possible. I find the segment on the Biggest Loser where the doctor goes over their health risks and numbers related to their weight, and think to myself that I'm not that bad. I don't weigh 250 pounds, or 300, or 400, and I take comfort and feel smug with those thoughts. Even at my most fit, I was 150 pounds and not necessarily skinny. I don't have the build for that, I think. But today, I realized that I've been living in a fabricated dream world where I think I'm okay and that I don't really have a problem.

I have a problem.

Because many things haven't worked for me, I'm trying something new. Remember when I said this was a shame based Puritanical society I run at this here blog? I'm going to take advantage of that and start posting weekly updates on my progress. Or my backsliding. Or my stagnation. But the big thing is that I'm going to start being accountable for what I eat and how often I work out. But mostly, it’s about humiliation. I think that might be good for me. For more on another very funny guy who lost weight using humiliation and a whole lot of biking, check out Fat Cyclist, who isn't fat at all anymore.

So.

Without further ado, here we go (you can feel free to stop reading now, if you'd like):

Weight: 225
Body fat: 43.7% (Thank god I have big bones??)
Pants size: 20

Ugh. That was rough. But I feel better. I think.

Photo from Cathy Zielske

4 comments:

mommyneedsanap said...

Whoa. That is not something I could do. I totally know what you mean when you talk about putting on the calm face with the trainer. I had that same experience with the nutritionist re: the gestational diabetes. Not fun. You're a brave chickie. The internets will be rooting you on as you go forward!

As a side note, my word verification thing was "calkiest" which I read as "cakeiest" as in "who loves cake? who is the most cake like-iest person?" and I thought "Me! I like cake!". Clearly there are issues in my life as well!

Anonymous said...

Heather, I am cheering for you! Myself, I've started getting up at 5:30 am to get my Jillian workout in so that I cannot put it off when I get home from work which was turning out to be the case on an everyday basis. I hate the alarm at that hour and especially to get up to go see Jill...but, I've gained back everything I lost when I was on WW over a year ago, so, yeah. Anyway, my mom also continues to fight the weight loss battle and she is cheering for you too! I'll think of you as the alarm goes off each morning:) Good luck! You can do it! - Shibby

Karen said...

I just LOVE you! Thanks for this post! I am right there with you in every way. Now if I could just get myself to the gym or join a class. It is at the top of my list of things i MUST do.

Jamaica said...

Heather, you are a braver woman than me. I kind of tremble at the thought of changing my eating and/or exercising habits, so I want you to pay very close attention to this virtual pat on the back which I am sending you:

*BACK PAT*

I have recently (as in, two nights ago) figured out something about my own eating habits that I thought was interesting. By the end of the day I often am so pooped out that I can't fully enjoy things that require me to, you know, use thoughts or focus my eyes... but no matter how tired I am I can still enjoy FOOD. So, at the end of each day I seriously chow down because that pleasure is undiminished by exhaustion. Maybe now that I've realized this, I'll knock it off... then again, maybe not (see previous comment about fear of change). Good luck!!!

P.S. How's this for a Freudian slip? I typed "food luck" and had to delete it!